oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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