I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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