he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
