i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
