the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
