so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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