I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
