she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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