I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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