i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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