Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize