and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
