Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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