Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
