Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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