Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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