The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
