BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
