Umm I'm too high to move.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
