I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We talked him into tasing himself.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
