It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My ATM looks so different sober.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
