ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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