hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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