SEEEEXXX PLEASE
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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