Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
