i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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