Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
