I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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