she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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