we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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