I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
