My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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