i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
