apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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