And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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