She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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