Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize