We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
