the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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