Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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