It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
