I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
