peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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