false alarm. still invincible.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
