i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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