I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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