it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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