She's JV to your varsity
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
