I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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