what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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