I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
