the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
