My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
