No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
