I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
