my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
