just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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