Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
