Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
