so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
