Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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