Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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