Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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