Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
