You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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