He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
