I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize