Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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