I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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