he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
