I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
