Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
