this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
