why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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