thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Who died my cat blue again?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
