Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
