So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize