I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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