i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
