She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
