weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
