Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize