Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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