that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
