I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
