Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
