I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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