i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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