i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
