What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
