It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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