Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
