Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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