I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
